Learn how respectful verbs and polite forms target different people in Japanese.
Japanese Respectful Verbs for Third Parties
~6 min read
In a nutshell: polite language and respectful language often show up together, but it’s important to treat them as separate parts doing separate jobs.
Table of Contents
Polite vs Respect: What’s the Difference?
Think of Japanese “distance” in two directions:
○ Polite language (です・ます) = horizontal distance
(smooth, formal, keeps things appropriately spaced)
○ Respectful language (尊敬語そんけいご / respectful verbs) = vertical distance
(status-based, “lifting up” the person involved)
There’s also a key grammar difference:
○ Polite language points toward the addressee (the person you’re talking to).
○ Respectful language points toward the referent (the person the verb is “about” — whose action/state is being described).
Polite Language Has Only One Target
Polite language (like the 〜ます form) creates politeness toward the addressee.
Example 1: Addressee = “you”
Here, the politeness is aimed at you (the listener).
Example 2: Referent is a third party, but politeness still aims at “you”
The person being asked about coming is Tanaka-sensei (the referent), but the politeness still aims at you (the addressee).
Example 3: The speaker is the referent, and polite language is still fine
It’s not rude to describe your own actions with polite language, because the politeness is aimed at the addressee, not at yourself.
Key Idea: Polite language (です・ます) targets the addressee — and only the addressee — no matter who the verb is about.
Two Forms, One Target
So if polite language always targets the addressee… what about respectful language?
Respectful language also has one target: the referent.
But here’s the twist:
○ Sometimes the referent is the person you’re talking to.
○ Sometimes the referent is someone you’re talking about.
And respectful verbs carry this expressive meaning:
Respect is shown toward the person whose action/state the verb describes.
Scenario A: You’re talking to your teacher Tanaka-sensei directly
English: “(Tanaka-sensei) are you coming?”
Japanese:（田中先生たなかせんせいは）いらっしゃいますか？
Whose action is being described? Tanaka-sensei (the person “coming”).
So Tanaka-sensei is both:
○ the addressee (who you’re talking to), and
○ the referent (whose action the verb describes).
Now look at the verb:
○ いらっしゃる = replacing form of 来るくる
○ 〜ます = polite ending
So you’ve got two forms stacked together… aimed at the same person.
○ Polite language → horizontal distance toward Tanaka-sensei (addressee)
○ Respectful language → vertical distance toward Tanaka-sensei (referent)
The breakdown
○ Core meaning: 来るくる (“to come”)
○ Expressive meaning (polite part): keeps speech polite toward Tanaka-sensei
○ Expressive meaning (respectful part): shows respect toward Tanaka-sensei
Result: Two forms, one target.
| irasshai | masu | |
|---|---|---|
| Core Meaning | 来るくる (“to come”) | no core meaning |
| Expressive Meaning | the speaker creates vertical distance with the referent (Tanaka-sensei) | the speaker creates horizontal distance with the addressee (Tanaka-sensei) |
| Target | Tanaka-sensei | Tanaka-sensei |
Two Forms, Two Targets
Scenario B: You’re talking to a classmate about Tanaka-sensei
English: “Is Tanaka-sensei coming?”
Japanese: 田中先生たなかせんせいはいらっしゃいますか？
Same two pieces again:
○ いらっしゃる (respectful)
○ 〜ます (polite)
But now the targets split:
○ The referent is Tanaka-sensei (the person “coming”).
○ The addressee is your classmate (the person you’re talking to).
So:
○ Polite language → horizontal distance with your classmate (addressee)
○ Respectful language → vertical distance toward Tanaka-sensei (referent)
Result: Two forms, two targets.
The breakdown
| irasshai | masu | |
|---|---|---|
| Core Meaning | 来るくる (“to come”) | no core meaning |
| Expressive Meaning | the speaker creates vertical distance with the referent (Tanaka-sensei) | the speaker creates horizontal distance with the addressee (classmate) |
| Target | Tanaka-sensei | Classmate |
Key idea: Respectful language can point “upward” toward either (1) the person you’re talking to, or (2) a person you’re talking about — as long as that person is the one whose action/state the verb describes.
A Few Practical Notes For Learners
1) Plain-form respectful verbs exist, but you’ll usually meet them with 〜ま す
You can see respectful verbs in plain form (e.g., いらっしゃる).
But in most situations, you’ll encounter them in polite form.
Key takeaway: Prioritise learning polite respectful-verb forms like いらっしゃいます.
2) Respect the people who are actually in the conversation
In reality, it’s not common to use respectful language for someone who isn’t present (even if you respect them a lot).
This is because using appropriate language with people who are present often has a real and immediate effect on how an interaction develops and ends. The real-time social work is happening with the person in front of you.
Key takeaway: When in doubt, focus on being appropriate to the person you’re speaking to, and use respectful verbs for third parties when you’ve mastered that and think the situation truly calls for it.